I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
