My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
