Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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