Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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