ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
There are leaves in my underwear?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
