i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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