I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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