I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
