I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
