My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
That accounts for only three of the penises
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
