Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
