He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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