i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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