cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize