That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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