A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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