good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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