you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
