Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
