I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
