Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
