The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
