i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
