matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
