who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
