She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
