did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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