...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
