I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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