rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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