Pants 0. Shit 1.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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