I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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