The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
