So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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