I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
