Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
