so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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