I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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