SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
