you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
