i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
