In the future we'll all be gay
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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