I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
