there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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