It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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