Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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