omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
