dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
