You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
