shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
babies were throwing up all over the place
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
