I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
