My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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