Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
