Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
